Overdue Apologies
by AnyOtherWay
Summary: Chuck/Blair. 5x06  I Am Number Nine ; the apology scene through Chuck's POV. "I'm not here to apologise for what happened tonight…" One-shot. Chair forever.


A/N: I just had to write about this beautiful scene. It was so emotional :'). Chair reunion up next… maybe… Masquerade; where inhibitions can't help but break free… 100% Chair shipper; I don't care what happens to the other characters, just so long as Chuck and Blair are reunited forever. And Chuck needs to go back to Harry Winston and buy that ring back, burn the one Louis gave Blair and shove the HW one on her finger instead. Melodramatic? Maybe ;).

My first time writing something like this, was I wasting my time? Please review, I would love to know what you think of this!

Description: Chuck/Blair. 5x06 (I Am Number Nine); the apology scene through Chuck's POV. "I'm not here to apologise for what happened tonight…" One-shot. Chair forever.

Disclaimer: The words in speech, i.e "" is taken directly from 5x06; Oh and the character of Blair, Chuck, the storyline and just about everything else. In any case, if I did own Gossip Girl I wouldn't be posting on this. I would be making sure that Chuck&Blair get together ASAP! Tonight's episode 5x07 – Don't let me down!

…

Overdue Apologies…

"I'm not here to apologise for what happened tonight," I say, looking into her chocolate eyes. The eyes of the woman I love.

I let her go because I couldn't make her happy. We were holding onto the pain because the pain was all that was left.

" Then what are you here to apologise for?" She seemed tired, older somehow. Maybe it was the stress of planning a royal wedding.

" Everything else…" I needed to let her know that everything was my fault.

If the past had not been so full of tragedy and turmoils, everything would have been different. I needed to apologise to her so we could both move on.

"I'm sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you,"

The confusion amidst the intoxication. I had lost her. The overruling anger. I had lost her. Punching glass. I had lost her. I hurt her so badly that night. And not just the scar on her cheek. I had lost her.

I wished I could have done things differently.

"I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building,"

Holding a fresh bouquet of peonies in one hand, nervously clasping a white gold Harry Winston engagement ring in the other. Had I waited longer, maybe it would have been our wedding that she would be planning now. Instead I had to be impatient and ruin my future. If only I would have waited like the Prince did the night of Cotillion.

I wished I could have done things differently.

"I'm sorry for treating you like property,"

She had a right to slap me that night. It stung. But not as much as the painful reality that our relationship was over. I miss her so much. I shouldn't have sold her for my hotel. Our love was, is, much more important than insignificant business deals.

I wished I could have done things differently.

"I'm sorry… I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did,"

Eight letters. Three words. I should have said them, then she would have been mine. And I would have been hers. All the lies. All the tears. All the hate. All for the game. The stupid, petty, futile game. I should have just said the truth. I love you Blair Waldorf. But those words seemed so hard to say then.

I wished I could have done things differently.

Most of all, I'm sorry that I gave up on us... when you never did,"

She loved me when I wasn't a worthy person. Despite the fact that I could never make her happy, she was still willing to make it work. She told me that we have an all-consuming love. She still loved me regardless of the worst thing I ever did. She came after me to tell me that it wasn't her world without me in it. She never gave up on us. I should never have let her go.

I wished I could have done things differently.

She sighed, a soft smile gracing her beautiful face, "Thank you," she genuinely meant every word.

"I hope never giving up on people isn't going to be my downfall." 

" That's why you're going to be an amazing mother," I heard myself say.

I thought about her carrying her child every day. Jealously ripped through my veins at the thought, no fact, that it could, _should_ have been my baby. Could have been _our_ baby. There was one thing that I was certain about. The baby was lucky. Not because they will be born into royalty, but because they will have Blair Waldorf as their mother.

"You're always there for the people you love. Even when they don't deserve it," I told her, thinking of the night that she held me when I couldn't hold myself together. The night Bart died.

She had told me that she loved me, and I had told her that it was too bad. I didn't deserve her love right then, but she still wrapped her tender arms around me. She was there for me when nobody else in the entire world could heal my pain

"You know that's never gonna change," she ventured, a bittersweet tone to her voice.

" It's okay if it has to…Starting tonight, I'm going to take care of myself."

No more psychiatrists. No more scotch. No more paying people to beat me up. I needed to start afresh. I needed to find a way for my own happiness… I needed to have a small fraction of the happiness I had sacrificed my love for.

"Is that all?"

I thought about how vulnerable she was right then. It took all I had not to hug her, kiss her, hold her. She had told me that her fairy tale was complicated.

In that moment her façade had dropped and I could see right through her. I could see how things could have been differently had I not messed up.

For just a moment, I wanted to tell her that I could never stop loving her. I wanted to tell her that her Prince was nothing compared to her Dark Knight in shining armour, complete with his Empire and Palace. I wanted to tell her that she should come with me and we could build our futures together.

Then I remembered that she was carrying a baby. Engaged to a prince. And seemingly happy.

And that is what I had wanted for her after all. I just wanted for her to be happy. No matter what it took.

(Apparently all it took was the removal of a Bass and an heir to the throne.)

This was her dream come true, and who was I to take it away from her.

It took all I had to look away.

" ..Yep." 

It took all I had to walk away.


End file.
